New Year's Day 2009 found me back in chemotherapy for my third battle with breast cancer, which had invaded most of my liver and my thoracic region. Before I committed my life to Christ earlier in my cancer odyssey, I was guided by a moral compass inherited from my parents that was based on deferred gratification as a reward for good works. I would devise and then revise resolutions habitually until cancer and, more significantly, faith liberated me from the illusion that I am in control.
One year ago today, I looked into the future, saw a huge question mark and was perfectly content. I trusted God to provide everything I need and I trusted my husband, who was studying for the ministry, to stand beside me as His plan unfolds. Halfway through the year, my husband began to fail God and fail me. But my Savior fulfilled all His promises to love me in sickness and in health.
My life is a series of surprises and 2009 was no exception. In January I was closer to death than ever and wondered if I would see another birthday. By December my cancer - although not considered by medical science to be curable - was beaten back to almost undetectable levels. For the first six months of the year, my husband remained the steadfast soulmate who made my life worth fighting for. For the last six months, he was a sadistic stranger who demanded that I stop chemotherapy and die for his convenience.
I have seen the Lord's handiwork in countless blessings showered upon me during the darkest days of 2009. I survived to see my son becoming the man I prayed he would be. I have been living with cancer for seven years and am as content as ever. I have no idea what God has planned for me next, but I can't wait to find out.
The only resolutions I made for 2010 are contained in the lyrics of a song from my youth. To paraphrase Day by Day from the movie musical Godspell, I will strive:
1. To see God more clearly.
2. To love Him more dearly.
3. To follow Him more nearly.
I wish you and your loved ones faith, good health and contentment throughout the new year.