Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Life Is Better Than I Deserve

One year ago in July 2009, I was battling breast cancer that metastasized to the liver and many months into a chemotherapy regimen whose effectiveness inflicted severe anemia. For no discernible organic reason as my transfusions had stopped working, God granted me a sudden supply of energy that keeps me functional to this day. I would need that energy plus His blessings of peace, love, joy and strength as the life I knew and counted on to carry me across the threshold into heaven was unexpectedly torn asunder. As I have documented elsewhere, my husband of nine years was leading a double life and became a cruel, wicked stranger.

I am not a victim. I am a redeemed Christian. What I survived this past year is not my grievance against any man. It is my testimony to God's faithful promises. On the extremely rare occasions that I look back, I still do not understand everything I endured. My faith was tested as never before, but God empowered me to show my husband His compassion, mercy and forgiveness. I did so because I love God and I loved my husband.

My husband did not show me any compassion or mercy because he does not love God and he does not love me. He wanted me to stop chemotherapy and die for his convenience. After he confessed his complete fall from grace to me, he tried to convince me and others that I was crazy so that no one would believe my account and to justify his shocking descent into unrepentant sinfulness. That is all I really remember now and it is enough. My pain healed as swiftly as my love for him died.

This past year I lost a beloved husband who deceived everyone but God, financial solvency and stability, my hair and eyelashes, my ability to taste the food that gave me so much pleasure, and the illusion that my cancer would likely be cured. It was my own personal Great Depression, but I was never depressed and life is greater than ever.

The lyrics of this song describe why I am so happy and smiley faced all the time.

Good Life - Audio Adrenaline

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