Once upon a time, children, there was a conservative man named Ronald. He had lots of wonderful ideas and he was very good at explaining them. Ronald spent many years telling people about his plans to make America better. When America got into trouble, people finally gave Ronald a chance to prove that his plans could work. Ronald was such a great leader and his plans worked so well that many of his conservative ideas were accepted by people all over the world.
After Ronald went away, some people tried to repeat his success, but they didn’t understand why he was so successful. Some people thought Ronald was just a good talker, but they didn’t follow Ronald’s conservative plans and they failed. Then a man named Bill came along. He was a good talker but not conservative. Bill became the new leader. When Bill got America into trouble again, Ronald’s conservative followers asked for a chance to prove they could make his plans work. The American people gave Ronald’s conservative followers a chance and their plans did work – for awhile.
After a few years, the followers forgot Ronald’s conservative ideas and why they worked so well. They stopped telling people about conservative ideas. They stopped making conservative plans. Other people who never liked Ronald’s plans lied about how successful they were. Americans started to forget Ronald’s conservative ideas and why they worked so well.
Then a man named George came along and he had his own ideas. Some of George’s plans were conservative, but some were not conservative at all. George’s followers told the American people that he was like Ronald, but George’s plans were very different from Ronald’s. People got confused about what it meant to be a conservative. George was very bad at explaining his ideas. America started to get into trouble again, but now there were very few conservative leaders left to turn America around.
There was a man named Rush who was one of Ronald’s smartest and most loyal followers, and he was very good at explaining conservative ideas. But Rush really liked his job and did not want to take Ronald’s job.
Ronald’s followers looked everywhere for a conservative leader, but nobody came forward. One day they found a man named Fred who shared Ronald’s conservative ideas and was good at explaining them. Ronald’s conservative followers begged him and begged him, and Fred finally agreed to try out for Ronald’s job as leader of America.
Other people were trying out for the job of leader, too, but Fred’s ideas and plans were the most conservative. Fred wanted to turn America around and knew he was the best person to do it, but he didn’t like some of the silly things he had to do to become the leader of America. He compared those silly things to a circus. Many sensible people agreed with Fred.
Other people said Fred didn’t really want to be the new leader. Some of those people didn’t agree with Fred or were afraid that he would be successful. They did not want another conservative leader like Ronald. They wanted Fred to stop trying out for the job of leader. But Fred kept trying and he kept explaining his conservative ideas.
Lots of Ronald’s followers agreed with Fred’s ideas and thought his plans would turn America around. But they did not support Fred and they did not help him become the leader. Instead, they supported others who were not very conservative at all. They supported others who pretended to be conservative. They supported some who had helped get America in trouble again.
Fred stayed true to Ronald’s conservative ideas, but Ronald’s followers did not. Then the followers blamed Fred because they did not have a leader.
Fred learned that you cannot lead America back to conservatism if conservatives will not follow what they know is right.
And that, children, is how your parents ruined conservatism. It will be much, much harder for you to turn America around, but you can start by reading about Ronald.
Next time I will tell you about the olden days when SUVs roamed the earth, the government had a pension program called Social Security, our private health care system was the envy of the world, and America was the most magnificent superpower mankind has ever known.
The End
