Jason Castro: Show Us the Mojo and We'll Show You the Money!

As I write this on Tuesday, May 6th, rumors indicate that Jason Castro will be performing “I Shot the Sheriff” and “Mr. Tambourine Man” tonight. Since these spoilers were first posted on Monday, a wave of negativity swept across the internet before Jason has sung a single note.

Sound familiar? It’s PaulaGate 2008 all over again!

How do you think this makes Jason feel? After realizing the judges are sharpening their long knives no matter how well you perform, just imagine how disheartening it must be to discover that your fans have so little faith in you.

If you have watched the You Tube videos of Jason performing "Santeria"and "Bad Fish," you already know Jason has a mojo for reggae and ska. When Jason threw himself into the cheesy Neil Diamond group medley on results night last week, many of us shouted, “Yes! Where has that Jason Castro been hiding? Give us more, please.”

We already know that Jason has such a heart for music that he can hardly contain it. He cannot help but sing along even when it’s not his turn or his solo, regardless how uncool he looks or how craptastic the song may be. We are hungry to experience that sense of abandon and surrender again. We want America to see the Jason Castro whose rendition of "Crazy" was so powerful and passionate that even cynical Simon Cowell became a convert.

Who cares what the judges and some critics will say? I mean, really! They don’t vote. We do. I even bought a “free” Go Phone from Best Buy yesterday.

If Jason brings the mojo tonight, he will deserve the top 3 and beyond. He will deserve fans – and record labels – that bring the money.

Are you with me?

What Does Katharine McPhee Have That Jason Castro Doesn't?

loose cannon
a dangerously uncontrollable person or thing

cannon fodder
an expendable or exploitable person, group, or thing

PaulaGate
what happens when a loose cannon prematurely discharges the cannon fodder and it backfires


I am truly outraged by the flippant way that Nigel Lythgoe and the American Idol crew shrugged off any suggestion that they owe Jason Castro an apology for PaulaGate 2008. Clearly they figure that Jason was safe, so no harm, no foul. Right?

Wrong.

I remember that completely unnecessary mea culpa Simon Cowell delivered to Katharine McPhee two seasons ago strictly because she was one of Nigel’s favorites. Hey, Simon, would you apologize to Kat McPhee if she looked like Quasimodo?

I’m not ready to make nice.

As a Castronaut, I am furious at Paula Abdul for her callous treatment of Jason since she sucker-punched him right before his second American Idol performance Tuesday night. Not once in any of the post-PaulaGate interviews did Abdul express even the slightest concern for Jason’s feelings – and she is reputedly the kind, nurturing judge. Phooey. One day after the most notorious public lapse in mental clarity since the 1992 Vice Presidential debate, Paula showed up to work dressed appropriately enough for a remake of “Valley of the Dolls.” Nigel did learn his lesson, though. Before he dispatches his bus o’ death to take out Jason this week, the driver will have to pass a breathalyzer test.

American Idol has never been a fair contest on a level playing field, but somehow the show’s shenanigans are ignored by most of the press because the milieu is reality TV. Like their mainstream media brethren, in general entertainment journalists exhibit a “group think” herd mentality characterized by an absence of critical thinking, resulting in articles that hew closely to the official AI line with little or no independent reporting. Once again bloggers in pajamas have to do all the heavy lifting. No wonder the arrogant AI crew think they are untouchable.

Imagine a baseball game officiated by umpires who get their paychecks from the team owner. At the end of the season, that team produces their Most Valuable Player. Now imagine that the umpire behind home plate – the most prominent umpire who calls the balls and strikes – is collecting an even larger paycheck from a company that will own the exclusive rights to the season’s MVP. If major league baseball operated like American Idol, the owners, the umpires, and even the MVPs would be investigated by a Senate committee.

Simon Cowell and Sony BMG own the recording rights to every contestant in the worldwide Idol franchise that they choose to sign to a deal. In his March 18, 2007 interview with Anderson Cooper, Cowell explained, “My only interest was 'Idol' was a vehicle to launch records. That was the only thing I was thinking about. But, what we actually did, interestingly by doing 'Idol,' was I signed the biggest artist on the planet, and it's called 'Idol,' because every single 'Idol' winner is now signed through Sony BMG. And, this applies to all the countries we sell 'Idol' to, which is over 30 countries. So, there's probably now 75 to 100 artists all signed through this one center thing." Ka-ching.

So, if American Idol is just another moneymaker for Cowell and Lythgoe, that makes the contestants nothing more than this year’s widgets, right? They are looking for a specific widget based on an early 1990s prototype of pop, R&B, crossover country, or watered down alt-rock acceptable to top 40 radio, which is their concept of a current sound. To retain AI’s credibility as a talent show and talent scout for Sony BMG, the winning widget needs to be marketable according to their shortsighted expectations.

Every season the top 24 also include contestants selected by the AI crew for their TV entertainment value, hereafter known as cannon fodder, but not necessarily expected to be real contenders. As the contest progresses, the cannon fodder become expendable when they exhaust their usefulness and downright dangerous when they outlast some of the anointed favorites, hereafter known as TCOs (the chosen ones).

The Neil Diamond theme night and results shows offered a textbook example of how American Idol favors its TCOs and exploits its cannon fodder. After Carly Smithson, one of the crew’s favorite favorites, was eliminated the week before, Nigel admitted, "I was very sad. I think Carly is extremely talented, a brilliant voice. I was sorry to lose Michael and I was certainly sorry to lose Carly." He added, “Yeah, I was surprised. In my opinion, I felt that Jason [Castro] was the weakest in the bunch. But he’s got a following, a good following.”

Actually, Nigel, Jason has a great following that is loyal and getting larger. He may be the most appealing contestant in the history of American Idol and he is arguably its most entertaining. He is a folk rock revivalist who brought the artistry of Jeff Buckley and Israel Kamakawiwo’ole to a whole new audience. Jason’s studio recordings remain near the top of the AI iTunes sales charts. He never flubs his lyrics nor suffers from pitch problems. He is unfailingly polite and flat out funny. Despite all these admirable attributes, Jason is the AI crew’s worst nightmare and we are nowhere near ready for him to leave, so get used to us.

Anyway, Ryan Seacrest opened Tuesday’s show with a shout out to Carly. “We’re still reeling after last week’s drama,” Ryan began. “Carly is watching from home tonight. Say ‘hi, Carly!’” That's how AI treats its TCOs.

He also wondered aloud if anyone would lose their cool during the ensuing episode. Paula, misreading her notes again, thought Ryan was referring to her instead of Brooke White and, well, we all know what happened – PaulaGate 2008. And that's the way AI treats its cannon fodder.

First up, Jason performed a fairly faithful rendition of one of Neil Diamond’s fluffier pop confections, “Forever in Blue Jeans,” with the happy-go-lucky folk style he usually displays on uptempo numbers. During the song, Randy and Paula were seen nodding along rhythmically but definitely not taking notes. Afterward the camera panned to the judges' table where the grimacing Randy and grinning Paula fixed their eyes towards the stage. Simon was looking downward with pursed lips and a pissed off expression as though the clock had just struck midnight and that darn Castro kid wasn’t home yet with Cowell’s million dollar Bugatti Veyron sports car.

Fast forward twentysomething minutes to PaulaGate 2008, in which Paula told Jason that he didn’t used to suck, but he sucked now and was destined to suck in the future because her notes said so, and by the way she really meant that David Cook sucked except her notes said Cookie is fantastic and totally not sucky. Speaking on behalf of Castronauts everywhere, Paula, you are officially uninvited to the all-night luau.

Immediately after, as reported by eyewitness Adam B. Vary, “At the ad break, the judges were all whisked out of the studio, Syesha Mercado, David Cook, David Archuleta and Brooke White left waving to the audience, and Jason Castro was left on a stool, stage center, contemplating what, exactly, had just happened.”

Right after that commercial, Jason had to perform again without anesthesia and “September Morn” became “September Mourn.” Unsurprisingly, he appeared preoccupied and his tender singer-songwriter heart just didn’t seem to be engaged. But I’m sure being condemned to an eternity of suckiness by someone who pretended to be a supporter shouldn’t bother him one little bit. Then those shameless “store bought” (Neil Diamond™) judges had the colossal gall to criticize Jason’s subpar performance. They probably didn’t want to do it, but it was in their notes – well, except for Randy. I think he enjoys being mean to Jason.

At the end of the show, the top 5 were reassembled at the foot of the stage as the credits were about to roll. Normally this is when Jason does some of his best work twirling or mimicking Seacrest. But Tuesday night he looked forlorn and too defeated to muster a smile. We wuz robbed.

In contrast to his verbosity during Carly Appreciation Week, thus far Nigel has not commented publicly on Brooke’s elimination, Paula’s verbal faux pas, or its deleterious effect on Jason. Lythgoe did tell Us Magazine, “There's no one more ditzy than Simon. Or more ass-y than Simon when he wants to be. Depends on the night.” Nobody more ass-y than Simon? I think we need a real judge’s ruling on this.

Thanks for caring about your contestants and your audience, Nigel. We feel so much better now. [/sarcasm]

Jason Castro: Semifinalist or Scapegoat?

Disclaimer: I am not an actual American Idol historian, but I fare pretty well at those online trivia quizzes that test your knowledge of the show. Here are two questions to gauge how closely you have been paying attention to AI. Ready?

1. This contestant gave some of the most memorable performances of the season and brought a new musical genre to the show to the audience’s delight. He had such a mellow hippie vibe that rumors abounded about his alleged recreational drug use. The AI media openly speculated about whether he was really committed to the competition after his seemingly nonchalant reaction when he landed in the bottom 3. Can you name him?

The correct answer is Bo Bice from season 4. When in the bottom 3, Bo revealed casually that he auditioned for AI only because of a bet with his mom and, if eliminated, he could happily return to playing small gigs with his band. Bo survived until the grand finale when he was bested by Carrie Underwood, but his reputation for detachment continued after he wasn’t crushed by his defeat.

You answered Jason Castro. Sorry! Please try again.

2. This contestant became a polarizing figure among the AI media and other contestants’ fan bases, which expressed outrage when he was declared safe as a more popular contestant went home. During the shocking top 6 elimination episode, the camera kept catching him in unflattering poses. Can you name him?

The correct answer is Scott Savol from season 4. When Constantine Maroulis was eliminated before him, the camera captured Scott’s relief and he became a convenient scapegoat until he was expelled the following week.

You answered Jason Castro again. Obviously, those were trick questions. My answers were correct. So were yours.

How can that be? How can Jason Castro have so much in common with season 4 runner up Bo Bice and fifth place finisher Scott Savol at the same time?

Is Jason Castro a semifinalist or a scapegoat?

That, my fellow pitiless dreadheaded Castrocopian daydreamers, depends on how our favorite season 7 troubadour performs this week and how we the voting public respond.

As a close observer of American Idol since its debut in 2002, I have no doubt the same bus that took out Savol is gunning for Jason. While I do not believe that the AI crew has ever engaged in vote tampering, I do believe that they engage in every voter manipulation the FCC allows. For example, although we know that the eliminated contestant is always the lowest vote getter, we are never told the other contestants’ results except in the finale. But the vote rankings are implied by the order in which their safety is announced, although viewers have no way of knowing the actual rankings. By repeatedly bringing out David Archuleta and David Cook first, the impression that they are “winners” is reinforced. Likewise, the implicit “losers” are the last to be declared safe. The reality could be the exact opposite.

It is no random coincidence that the AI camera caught Jason yawning offstage as he waited with Carly Smithson or gazing sideways at the band instead of giving his undivided attention to bottom 2 performer Syesha Mercado during what could have been her swan song. It is no random coincidence that Jason – instead of Brooke, David the younger or David the elder – was in the last pair to learn their voting status. It is no random coincidence that Jason – instead of babbling Brooke, little David or big David – was placed and kept alongside Carly as her elimination drama played out. Every convincing tragedy needs a villain.

Not content to rest on his TV manipulations, Nigel Lythgoe singled out Jason as “the weakest of the bunch” in a media interview while admitting he was surprised and disappointed by Carly’s departure after her “fun” interpretation of “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Maybe he was referring to Jason’s sickly condition before and during his live performance of “Memory.” Between Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber’s condescension and Lythgoe’s ham-handed machinations, poor Jason was dealt the worst one-two punch by the musical Cats since the Team America character Chris was violated by Rumpleteazer and Mr. Mistoffelees – not to be confused under any circumstances with these cats.

What other tactics does Lythgoe have planned for Neil Diamond week? Since AI history does tend to repeat as predictably as a Randy Jackson critique, maybe Nigel will give Jason a last minute lyrics change as he did to Clay Aiken – “Vincent” – or maybe he will force Jason to substitute an entire song less than 48 hours before performance night as he did to Taylor Hicks – “Just Once” in place of “Try a Little Tenderness.” Perhaps Randy will use some Simon Cowell reverse psychology to disarm Jason’s fan base by being excessively complimentary in the hopes of lulling us into a false sense of security.

Those in the AI world who don’t appreciate the emotional power of Jason’s voice are quick to attribute his popularity to his good looks or his goofy charm. I firmly believe that Jason has earned his standing on American Idol on the strength of his raw musical talent. He has delivered two of the most unique, outstanding and memorable broadcast performances – “Hallelujah” and “Somewhere over the Rainbow” – in seven seasons of American Idol. Subsequently, beloved interpretations by the late Jeff Buckley and Israel Kamakawiwo’ole respectively were catapulted to the top of iTunes sales charts. The kid has an impeccable music sensibility.

Jason’s studio version of “Memory” is exquisitely sad and haunting while his lower register and falsetto are more assured than ever. When you listen to his recordings in chronological order, his growth in vocal confidence, range, and expressiveness are hard to discount. His fans include serious music aficionados such as Chris Sligh, John Norris, Michael Slezak, and me.

For Neil Diamond night, I hope Jason will perform “Red, Red Wine” UB40 style and accompany himself on the drums – standup kit, bongos, congas, I don’t particularly care which. “Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon” or “Solitary Man” would be excellent guitar strumming choices. However, Urge Overkill recorded a modernized version of the former and Cookie might already have dibs on it.

No matter what, under those flexible FCC rules, I will be voting for the entire allotted time period with both hands and maybe a modem, if I can figure out how that voting software thingamajig works with digital phone. I will cast my votes in honor of Chris Sligh, who was taken from us too soon. I will cast my votes to honor the AI rock pioneers who cleared a path through the musical wilderness overpopulated by pop singers and R&B crooners – Bo Bice, Constantine Maroulis, Chris Sligh, and maybe Jon Peter Lewis but I'm not sure. I will cast my votes to honor the great American tradition of singer-songwriters, most of whom are unknown by Simon and Nigel, to which Jason is an heir apparent.

Finally, I will cast my votes to hear Jason Castro sing the winning coronation lyrics about rainbows and dreams because he is the only American Idol contest authentic enough to make that syrupy drek palatable and he can play his ukulele again, too.

Yes, We Can! I Think We Can. And One of These Days, We Will!

Six questions, more or less, for Senator Barack Obama:

Q: Senator Obama, in your March 18, 2008 speech about race, you praise the “greatness and goodness” and “genius of this nation,” the only place on earth you declare that your “unconventional” success story is “even possible.” And yet, after fifteen years of marriage to you, your wife Michelle freely shares that, due entirely to your presidential campaign, for the first time in her adult life she is proud of "mean" America. Is your appreciation for America also recently acquired? If not, can you explain why the person closest to you in the world is so far apart from you on the issue that drives your candidacy? What does that failure to persuade say about the unifying message you embody that ostensibly compensates for your lack of experience to qualify you for the highest elective office in the world?

Q: Senator Obama, your speech cites the hunger of the American people for your “message of unity.” But after fifteen years of close association with him, why does your Pastor Jeremiah Wright remain “divisive at a time when we need unity” and “racially charged at a time when we need to come together?” What efforts have you made personally to help heal his racial wounds and share your hopeful vision of America? What leadership have you demonstrated at your church to address the “cruelty” and “shocking ignorance” you found there? What have you done to promote “the alliances it needs to bring about real change?” Your church preaches black liberation theology, an ethnocentric reinterpretation of Christianity that is expressly non-inclusive. Are you comfortable making your spiritual home in a church where your mother’s family might not be comfortable or welcome?

Q: Your speech describes the responsibility of parents to spend “more time with our children, and reading to them, and teaching them that while they may face challenges and discrimination in their own lives, they must never succumb to despair or cynicism.” You now admit that you have personally witnessed Rev. Wright’s controversial remarks from the pulpit. Have you allowed your daughters to personally witness his “profoundly distorted” view of their country or his message “that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America?” If so, do you think those words from a pastor, whom you selected to act as a person of moral authority in their lives, makes your daughters more or less likely to succumb to despair or cynicism?

Q: You call Rev. Wright, the man you credit for leading you to God and strengthening your faith, a “Biblical scholar” after he sermonized that Jesus Christ was a black man and that blacks are God’s chosen people. Can you cite the Bible verses that support his claims? Do you believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God? Does the Bible call us as individuals to serve others or does it suggest the government do it for us? Your speech and campaign employ fresh sounding rhetoric but prescribe the same old liberal, big government “solutions.” Your church fosters ministries for the sick and needy. Do you think the government can provide these services more efficiently and more compassionately?

Q: Is Tony Rezko, like Rev. Wright, merely another election year "distraction" that "breeds division, and conflict, and cynicism?" You keep hawking the Obama top secret formula for change that will magically teach children to learn, deliver health care to the uninsured, shower our homecoming soldiers with benefits, reopen shuttered mills, and solve the housing crisis. Didn't we get into this mortgage mess by extending credit to the unproven and unqualified while hoping against all evidence to the contrary that they would fulfill their promises? Why should we use the same faulty method for electing a president? If we accept the electoral choice as you frame it, we can 1) ignore the warning signs on the road to your enchanted land of change or 2) be doomed to an eternity of racial stagnation, illiteracy, poverty, war, and presidents who are not named Obama.

Q: You aspire to lead the free world for the next four or eight years. Reviewing your record of leadership (or absence thereof) in your family, in your church, in political office, I have one last question – what are you waiting for?

Hey, Kids, Let's Throw a Party - a Conservative Party!

In 1992, disaffected populists left the GOP to start the grassroots Reform Party. They're baaaaaaack -- but now, with their enemies lists and conspiracy theories targeting conservatives, they are hijacking the Republican Party that I love.

The Libertarians had their chance and the best they could muster is Ron Paul. So ... let's form our own party. A national conservative party.

Seriously.

We could call it the Conservative Republicans of America Party (CRAP). Or not. I'm open to suggestions.

Let's take back what it means to be a true conservative. We'll have an entrance exam -- and it will be in English. We will welcome all genuine conservatives, regardless of faith, heritage or gender.

And we will draft Fred Thompson as our first nominee -- if necessary, as a write-in candidate -- so that our country will have the true conservative alternative to the two Democrat parties in November 2008 that we all deserve.

Do I hear a second to my motion? Can I get an amen?